It also needs to allow, particularly for Social Workers, given the perceived (if not real) position of power we often find ourselves in – balance. Trust isn’t about liking each other or what each other is saying it’s about a functional relationship that permits disagreement or conflicting opinion. It sounds obvious really but in busy practice may be difficult and may not get the attention it deserves. You need to start by building that relationship. The reality is that difficult conversations are easier when there is a relationship of trust there. The starting point for the individual might be that you can’t be. The question here in the mind of the other person is can you be trusted. Ethos, Pathos and Logos EthosĮthos – your ethics. Often in our conversations we are trying to persuade – or at least put forward a position that we want the other person to consider – and Aristotle says there are three crucial things to engage…. There’s always a philosopher, often Greek, that we can turn to and in this instance, I turn to Aristotle’s ‘Modes of Persuasion’. What’s going on when we are involved in dialogue, conflict, and difficulty? What are the underpinning things that help us avoid this in the first place or navigate through it? Because while the best form of defence is to avoid the conflict in the first place, we have to acknowledge that conflict is, at some point, inevitable. There is a way between voice and presence where information flows. We need to involve ourselves in listening – but when tense maybe we don’t listen effectively. We are involved in deliberate conversations. It’s sometimes with other professionals and sometimes with our own colleagues in our own teams. If not avoidable then managed well.Īnd it’s not just with service users, parents, or children. But we must try to predict as much as we can… because conflict – and difficult conversations – are stress inducing – for us and for the other people involved.

As I say frequently, the Stoic Philosophers say we can’t control everything so we shouldn’t set our happiness and our view of how well we did on such things. So, let’s start by cutting ourselves some slack and acknowledging that sometimes when things go wrong there’s often not a lot we could have done. In this environment we’re meant to try and do this without aggravating anyone! Without making the conversation difficult and challenging. We are trying to have enlightening, helpful conversations, often with difficult messages to deliver, with people who may be in denial about their world and the world out there. When it comes to conversations in Social Work practice, particularly difficult ones, we have to start with the question “What are we trying to achieve?” What is the problem we are trying to overcome? Often, I’d suggest, it’s the (almost) impossible.

Having difficult conversations book